Fuggedaboutit: A Dream Deferred

A Dream Deferred

by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

So, I've mentioned before what a kick-%$# cook my mom is, right? Well, she's been working on quite the project. I imagine that for her on the fulfillment scale, this is probably what it would be like for me to sit down and try hammering out a novel in about 20 years. It's a big deal.

I've lately come more to appreciate the sacrifices my mother has made for me over the years. I don't mean 'appreciate' as in be grateful, because I think I've always been aware and thankful of the fact that my life means her personal life has been mostly on hold. What I mean is that I am understanding that sacrifice now on a more cognitive level. What it means to sort of be a "non" person. The person who makes everyone else's lives happen. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it feels like the greatest relief and adventure.

My mother was determined to beat the Empty Nest Blues. And in her flair for fun and creativity, she enrolled in a culinary school--the nearest one being well more than an hour away. For a couple years she woke up crazy, crazy early and drove to that school. (It must also be noted that in true "mom" fashion, she chose to not go one semester to help ME out with becoming a mom.) Degree in hand, she got a couple internships, learned her craft, and now she's doing THIS.

So proud of and happy for my Mama. Check it out. She's awesome. A raisin in the sun? Fuggedaboutit. I think it's pretty safe to say that her deferred dream has exploded.

Ada, 6 months

Length: 26.25 in (78%)

Weight: 15.13 lbs (33%)

*Is suffering through her first cough. It's this awful sound, like someone is squeezing one of those annoying bike horns; it's breaks my heart, but I'm just so grateful it's not whooping cough, which I'm certain would break my heart even worse.

*Sits up well.

*Loves her GoPod and her baby doll, both of which she got for Christmas; also loves the Wii remote and will help you try to maneuver it when she sits in your lap.

*Has tried rice cereal, green beans, and sweet potatoes. She LOVES the sweet potatoes, as you can see. Has subsequently lost interest in her formula--which I hope is just temporary.

*Says "Dada"

*Is super ticklish, especially when she's sleepy.

*Loves, loves, love bath time.

*Hair is growing ever longer; it's funny to see when she remembers she has some on the top of her head. She'll sit there, pulling on it.

*Has big smiles for Dr. B, which I'm pretty sure W didn't have at this point. W had already labeled him as "the guy who looks in my ears." But then, she seems to have smiles for most men. She's a big crowd pleaser with her bashful flirtatiousness.

Resolute: 2012

My resolutions last year were an extraordinary failure. I don't even remember what they were; that's how far off track I got. Nevertheless, I shall make resolutions again this year, because I believe having goals is the only way we progress. At least, they're the only hope we have of progressing into the person we have in mind for ourselves. The rest is up to God. Or, as Shakespeare said with a more positive attitude than mine, "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will." Men plan; gods mock. I make resolutions not to achieve these goals (though I'd obviously like to), but rather because it's much easier to get on the path God has in store for you if you've already decided to tackle the mountain yourself. It's not an eloquent metaphor, but you get what I mean. It's the law of inertia; if you're still, you stay still; if you're moving, you keep moving (and in my case, eating lots of chocolate chip cookies.) Therefore, this year I resolve to:

1. Meet up with "that girl" once a month or so. I have decided that maybe she's worth knowing again after all. This is not a resolution to become that girl again--just a resolution to touch base with the parts of me that have always been me: reading, watching old movies, listening to music I like, dancing, whatever. Maybe it's cheesy; I don't care. Once a month I will have a date with that girl. Just to touch base.

2. Read a book. Just one. Preferably a classic. The year 2011 is appalling in that I wasn't able to read a single book from start to finish. Maybe I'll read Jane Eyre or Sense & Sensibility again.

3. Lose this pregnancy weight already. I am reading more and more articles about how research is showing that the longer you are overweight, the more your body adapts to that weight and considers it the new norm, making long-term weight loss (if not impossible) a goal you will have to focus on all day every day for the rest of your life, because for some reason it doesn't adjust back to thinking that the skinny you is normal. But there are LOTS of reasons for me to take off as much excess as possible as quickly as possible. It's got to be done, and it's got to be done now.

With two kids in tow, I'm going to curtail my resolutions at that. Let's be honest. Just one of these is ambitious in my circumstances, but there you have it.