And since I am also a former English major, I'll be the first to say that some rules were made to be broken--as long as they are broken intentionally for an obvious reason. Far be it from me to limit the creativity of innovative novelists and poets and people intelligently expressing their personalities on their blogs. I break grammar/punctuation rules all. the. time.
There are a few rules, however, which--when broken--drive me batty. Batty, I tell you! And for the good of all mankind, I'm here to share them all with you today, and for good reason.
When I worked at the Daily Utah Chronicle, I was the 3rd editor in our assembly line, which on our staff basically meant I was the last line of defense before stories went to press. Mostly, I edited the other editors' work and made sure the hed (headline, to non-news folks) was in working order. One day a front-page story about public health came to my desk. I read through the story, then came back to the top to study the hed. Folks, the "l" was missing. If not for editors, the Chrony would have had a huge, embarrassingly inaccurate headline about pubic health on the front page for all to see and mock. Can you even imagine?
One of my news-ed professors at the U had what he called "meltdown" mistakes. Each time you committed a meltdown error, he deducted a huge chunk of your grade; if you made ten in the course of the semester, I believe he failed you altogether. It was brutal, effective. I can't remember his 10 rules, but I've got my own here for you. These are rules (I have to admit it, however despicable) I judge people by. They are really the only mistakes that bother me enough to make me stop and reiterate the rule in my mind so I do not find myself committing the same error.
1. Confusing "less" and "fewer." Use "less" when describing an unquantifiable amount of something (usually broad and indistinct concepts like love and money). Use "fewer" when you are able to count the item. You have less love and fewer hugs. You have less cash and fewer dollar bills. Frequently, people just use "less." I heard it on one of my favorite TV shows, and it made my heart sad.
2. Making up words. Believe it or not, but "alot" and "alright" are not actually words, ever. "A lot" and "all right" are both correct, as is "already," which means something different from "all ready."
3. Could of/would of/should of. Many people don't stop to think that what they are actually saying is could've/would've/should've, contractions for: could have/would have/should have.
4. Different "than." Should actually be different "from," always. I am different from my next-door neighbor.
5. Good vs. well: I once had a wrong but well-intentioned friend announce to our group once that you never say, "I feel good." She then went on to say that you should always say "I feel well." I cringed. I looked at the floor. I wanted to curl up in the corner and chew my hair. Ultimately, I kept my mouth shut. It is actually acceptable to say that you feel good, if "good" is how you feel. It is incorrect to say "I feel good," however, if what you are trying to say is that your sense of touch is above average. In such a case, you must say, "I feel well" if your word choice is between "good" and "well." I try not to use the word "feel" at all unless it applies to my sense of touch. For an in-depth reason as to why you can answer to someone that you "feel good" or "are good," check out this article by Grammar Girl.
6. Misusing "nauseous" and "nauseated." When you feel sick to your stomach, chances are you will let someone know you feel nauseous. Nauseous is the word to describe something that causes you to be sick to your stomach. "The smell of vinegar is nauseous; therefore, I am nauseated." *Note: I posted this about 10 minutes ago; my mom texted to let me know I forgot the word "that" in my third sentence. See? Even editors need editors. One pair of eyes is never enough. Thanks, Mum. :)
7. The unnecessary "s." Forwards, backwards, towards, aways, anyways. There really isn't anything wrong with the "s" at the end of these words. In the print news world, they are unacceptable, because they take up more precious space--and space is money. I lived by this rule for so long that now I can't stand the unnecessary "s." It just doesn't make sense to me.
8. Mixing up further/farther. Use "further" when dealing with an unquantifiable distance; use "farther" when you aren't. I might be farther along in Wuthering Heights than you are, but there's no question that you're further in love with it than I am.
9. Spelling numbers vs. using figures. This is another newspaper style; to be honest, I'm not sure what the rule is in everyday usage, but it doesn't stop me from noticing it every time. According to AP (Associated Press) style, spell out numbers one through nine. Use figures for numbers 10 and greater. There are several smaller caveats to this rule, but only one notable exception: at the beginning of a sentence. Never start a sentence with figures. If 142 guests came to your birthday party, you'd say "One hundred forty-two."
10. Mispronouncing "escape/especially." Warning: I am going to sound like the most elitist, condescending, stuck-up snob you know when I say the following, but I don't shirk the challenge or apologize for my emphasis when I say with the full measure of my 4'11 stature: You have never once "excaped" anywhere, ever. You just as surely have never "expecially" liked something or thought someone was "expecially" rude for correcting you on how you say the words "escape" or "especially." This is the poor-word-usage equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. If you pronounce these words this way in my presence, it might look like I'm just staring back into your eyes; but what I'm actually doing is having an Ally MacBeal-like fantasy of slapping you across the face and watching your head spin round and round. There is no "x" in either of these words, so don't pronounce them as though there are.
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