Some blessings

Having come out of my funk from the other day (thanks, friends!), I wanted to take an opportunity to point out some of things I am truly grateful for in my life right now. Not to make everything about Kate from The Small Things Blog, but she does this thing called "High Five for Friday," where she lists 5 things each week that made her happy. I think I'll do the same, but I'll come up with my own name for the ritual. Any suggestions?

In any case, I'll start off with some of the things that are profoundly meaningful to me. It will not be so serious each week. Just starting off with the most important:

1. My husband. This man. Five years today, actually. He makes being married to him so easy. What a good man. What superb taste in music and food.

2. Sir William. I get lost in those big blue eyes every single day. I'm so proud of him and the kindness he has inside of him. Looking into his face each day always makes my heart full.

3. Miss Ada. Giving birth to her seemed to pull me out of my persistent post-partum funk with W. She makes me feel like me again, like I've come full circle. Her smile is so genuine and frank, her ambition so inspiring.

4. Parents. Chris and I were both born to fantastic parents, who (thank goodness) have not resigned their posts as parents just because we're 'grown-ups' (weird, right? I sooooo don't feel like a grown-up). Aside from their continual support, we are only able to live the happy lives we lead because we were taught how to be happy from them.

5. Visiting teachers. Avery and Caprice are faithful and friendly; I LOVE having them in my home and discussing with them everything from the gospel to beauty products. Avery was assigned to me shortly after Ada was born; she will probably never know how much it meant to me to open my door and see her genuine, beautiful face looking back at me. I was so, so tired from dealing with new-babiness, and she was (sorry for the cliche), a breath of fresh air. Caprice was assigned with her the next month, and she is so sweet and easy to talk to. I hit the jackpot with them. They have been angels in my life. Unfortunately, I don't think I have pictures of them; just imagine the epitome of kindness and femininity and you've got a good start.

Silver Lining?

I've been having a lot of "off" days lately. I wake up under-rested, and spend the whole day (or week) under a cloud. It's not that my children are being especially difficult; rather, my spirit is rebelling against my circumstances. A lot of my life right now is pinned on the principle of "someday." Someday...

*We'll have a yard

*We'll have moved beyond the stage of raising babies (and into the stage of kidhood)

*We'll be able to afford x,y,z, etc.

*I'll have time to write (really write)

*I'll have the guts to throw away all the junk we've accumulated; and be able to afford more organizational tools to have a neatly run home

*We'll go on vacations

*We'll be able to help other people the way other people are helping us right now

*I'll own clothes without stains on them

But the burden of all these "somedays" weighs heavily on me. Having faith is a healing exercise. But so is   the ability to meet your needs when they arise. I'm not talking about anything extravagant. Just the sense that I am in control of my life, instead of being at the whim of our lack of space, income, children, etc. A lot of days I feel boxed in at every turn, a helpless bystander in my own life. What's worse is that the circumstances themselves aren't going to change until the husband is out of school which is still a few years away. What does all this mean? Mama needs a break. A big one. Running to the grocery store by myself doesn't quite cut it. After all, aren't I still at the whim of my home, bound to my shopping list? 

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how motherhood isn't a job at all. No one would undertake these working conditions without a steep financial compensation. What other job requires a person to be on duty all day, every day, and on-call, even on 'vacations?' Deal daily with various human bodily fluids/functions? Repeat yourself frequently to your co-workers? Clean up after them? Clean the workplace facilities? Constantly remind co-workers what their jobs are? On the one hand, of course, this means that no one is more important in this workplace than I am; being responsible for everything from the top to the bottom of the ladder. But it also means I don't have the 'luxury' of finishing a thought (just this sentence I've started over three four five times, thanks to interruptions from one of my said co-workers). 

No, motherhood is not a job. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but it isn't work in the traditional sense of the word. It's more like enlisting in the armed forces or being a missionary--it becomes more than what consumes your time from 9-5 each day like a traditional job would. It's an entire way of life. You can't just decide to "do" motherhood. You've got to become a mom. It's like agreeing to be torn apart limb from limb, and then allowing the various and arbitrary circumstances of your life piece you back together again. Maybe, in that great "someday" I'll have this multi-functioning person that is me, with (metaphoric) eyes, limbs, and mental power that have the ability to reach into all directions, and I'll really find myself to be a remarkable person. All I know is that right now, all I feel is the painful separation as each piece of me is slowly cut off and swept under the rug, sucked down the drain, or thrown in the trash. Is this making sense to anyone else? I'm having trouble seeing the silver lining, I guess. 

Birchbox

So, does anyone else here read The Small Things blog? She's been a fantastic resource for me in learning how to (finally) do my hair at the age of 29. Each month, she blogs about what she gets in her birchbox. What is birchbox, you ask? It's a subscription sample service. For a small fee each month, birchbox sends you beauty/lifestyle samples in a pretty little box. You then in turn give feedback about the products you've sampled, which earns you points; the points act as credit in their online store. The samples are tailored to your personal tastes, and the brands are premium brands--you always recoup the cost of your box. Aside from the frugality, what I LOVE about birchbox is just getting a surprise each month. You never know what you're getting until it arrives. Anyway, I like seeing what Kate from the The Small Things gets each month, so I thought it'd be fun to post what I receive, too!

This is what the box looks like:

Here's what was inside this month:

(A facial scrub, eye cream, and lip balm from Pangea Organics, a facial cream from Weleda, a facial scrub from soin, and a sample of Taylor Swift's Wonderstruck; my faves so far are the lip balm and perfume sample, though I LOVED the Pangea facial scrub--just wish there had been more of it!)

My first box was last month in March; I opted for the Teen Vogue box, and I'm so glad I did. I got some hair ties that I've been trying to find around town for a good price, a full-sized nail polish and some other fun things. This month's box, in honor of Earth Day, all the products are natural/organic. In May, the box is teaming up with Gossip Girl, so you KNOW I'm excited about what's to come!

I think there's a waiting list for birchbox subscriptions right now. Some people seem to have to wait longer than others. There's talk in the blogging community that bloggers tend to get higher priority. I don't know about that. But I WILL say that I had a friend sign up for the waiting list a couple weeks before I did, but I got an invitation before she did. ALSO, that invitation happened to come within just a few days of following them on social media sites AND writing a blog post on another site about how to save $$ at Sephora. Coincidence? Maybe.

Will, 3 Years

Oh, this boy. I've been pretty good so far in not getting overly emotional about this little boy growing up, but the most I can honestly say is that I'm conflicted. He's such a sweet and brilliant little boy that I can't wait to see what comes next. And yet, for all the hype of the terrible twos (and sure, there are plenty of frustrating moments), I am so sad to see this stage pass; it has been my favorite so far. I can't believe this boy's ability to remember all kinds of information. And it gives my heart so much joy to see what a nice little kid he's becoming.

Last night, he sneaked out of bed JUST to tell me "Thank you" for letting Higg (my mom) and Kiki (my sister Katy) come over. And his tiny little voice just communicated to me that he really was grateful. Isn't that the best? Furthermore, he went straight back to bed and stayed in bed on his own, which is almost as big of a deal. He's growing up, and I love it. And I hate it. I am such a lucky mom to have him for a son. There's not a day goes by when that thought doesn't cross my mind multiple times a day. I need him, and I'm so grateful he needs me.

*Things you'll most likely hear him say, "Hey! Wook at this!" "Um, I'm just doing this now." (when you ask him to do something)

*Calls me Becca, and his dad Chris

*Is getting more into sports (which is tricky when you live on the top floor of a building of condos)

*Is a self-described "city kid," and has a photo of himself which he calls his "city kid card"

*Loves all things Charlie Brown and Curious George

*Loves to take walks, especially with his Pop Pop

*Rode TRAX for the first time with Pop Pop, 4/6/12; took a longer ride the next day with Pop Pop as well

*Loves playing with friends and going to nursery

*Starting to read simple words like "Pop pop," "Stop" and a few others

*Loves to pretend doing people's hair; watches videos with me from the Small Things blog; then tests out his techniques on our visitors and us

*Helps me make dinner almost every night; is learning good skills on how to crack eggs, measure items, and use a whisk

*Has started to make believe and go on adventures, especially with "Brother Jack," who also seems to come most places with us. W straps him into his make-believe car seat, then removes him, and holds his hand while we cross the street.

*Is beginning to see how Ada can be heaps and heaps of fun. Maybe a third of the mischief they get into together are her idea--like making HUGE splashes in the tub. I didn't know splashes that big were possible with that little water.

*Has an infectious belly laugh

*Is dressing himself

*Enjoyed helping to paint the bathroom, which he was SO excited about; now he pulls all my pastry brushes from their drawers and "paints" the kitchen while we cook.

*Takes books, Charlie Brown, Ganz (a big, soft gorilla), Curious George, and Teddy Bear blanket to bed with him

*Is great at sharing toys with all his friends; still learning to be as enthusiastic about sharing with Ada

*Is growing up, up, up; it's the only place his calories go; he's so skinny that even his 18 mo.-sized shorts are loose around his waist. Seriously, I TRY to sneak in calories and it's like he roots them out. The only thing he'll eat consistently is candy. And since I don't want a diabetic 3-year-old, I refuse to take that route. Any advice or suggestions on the matter would be most welcome.

*Doesn't like strangers. I mean, listen: he's a really cute kid. He's always getting strangers come up to him and want to meet him. All the time. Does this happen to everyone, or is this kid just a magnet? Well, he doesn't seem to want to meet them back, unfortunately. He squeaks and buries his head behind my legs or into the side of the stroller. He's a bit shy; but being shy myself, it doesn't really bother me so much. I have confidence he'll get over it soon enough. Good thing Ada seems more than happy to pick up the windfall of attention.

*Will repeatedly say, "Huh? WHAT?" if you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do

*If he gets hold of a phone, the first thing he does is start to take pictures. I clean out my phone regularly of all the extra pictures he takes (you know, like the ones of me exercising in the living room...); it's usually about 300 pictures I need to delete. And it takes forever. But I love that he's so interested in things.

*Loves the Maurice Sendak nutshell kids books; Dr. Seuss; Beatrix Potter; Sandra Boynton; is starting to appreciate longer and longer stories.

*Currently sings, "Down to the River to Pray," and a song he made up called "gemming good." Your guess is as good as mine.

*Likes to help Chris take out the trash/recycling

*Likes to help me fold laundry

*LOVES to help grocery shop; and he's an excellent companion; doesn't throw fits when I tell him "no."

*Draws recognizably human forms when he draws/colors

Ada, 9 months

I can't get enough of this girl. Her personality shines through more and more each day. She is snuggly, friendly, and curious.

Here's what she's been up to:

*Pulls self up to stand; is experimenting with letting go and standing alone

*Gets frustrated when she notices her solid food is different from everyone else's

*Gives big, wet kisses (woe to the person holding her when she gets in a kissy mood!)

*Dances to a beat

*Waves to friends

*Smiles at strangers but squawks if they get too close

*Says "hi!" and "Dada" (sometimes "Hi, dada!") and "Uh-oh!"

*Two bottom teeth (she had these at 8 months; I forgot to write about them)

*Hair is long enough to get tangled (argh)

*Has such a frank, honest, friendly smile

*Very affectionate; she will randomly crawl/cruise to me, crawl up my legs, and give me hugs

*Will put anything in her mouth. The vacuum's semi-permanent place is right in the living room/dining room.

*Loves bath time; gets W riled up with all her splashing

*If it's been too quiet for too long, she squawks just to break up the silence (or to remind us she's here and not currently being stared at)