On the Rebound

It's been awhile since I've seen my chocolate chip cookies. I wish I could say it was going well. But there isn't a night when I don't think about opening the fridge and pulling out the Costco-sized tub of Nestle tollhouse cookie dough for a late-night booty call. And I do mean booty, because that's exactly where it's headed. Once on the lips, forever on the hips.

But in spite of the nightly craving, I'm happy to say I have had only one relapse, and that's because my sister brought some chocolate chip cookies for dessert last week when she came for dinner. I justify. Whatever.

But the truth is, I'm rebounding hardcore. Giving up my one true love was meant to increase the health of my overall eating habits, but I find that what I'm actually doing is trying to find a substitute that hits the spot so very, very well. Cupcakes, cheesecake, ice cream, brownies. You name it, I've probably had a shameful rendezvous with it since forsaking my beloved.

I would LOVE to be one of those people who could take sweets or leave them. The interesting thing is that once I get out of the habit of consuming them regularly, the temptation reduces significantly. If I can just stay away for a week or two, it becomes much easier to not even think about it. Chocolate chip cookies are my gateway drug. They make me feel so good (until I catch a glimpse of my profile in the mirror) that they make me feel invincible. "Eat chocolate chip cookies, drink William-Sonoma hot chocolate, and be merry about it, because tomorrow you'll die--and will it really make a difference?" Such is the dangerous allure of chocolate chip cookies.

Maybe I can do this step by step. Maybe going cold turkey is just setting myself up for failure (Maybe? Um, almost definitely). Maybe I can tell myself that if I refrain all week, I can have chocolate chip cookies on Sunday nights. And the rest will be process of elimination. I'll pick foods to slowly cross off my list. Foods that I eat socially to be polite but don't really care for. Like cake (I say this as 17 chocolate-frosted cupcakes sit on my counter as I await some birthday guests). It really would not be difficult for me to give up cake almost entirely. When I go to some event, I'll just tell myself, "As a rule, I don't eat cake. I don't like it; therefore, it's a major caloric waste." And then once I've gotten used to not eating cake, I can move on to... well, pretty much any cookie that isn't my one true love. Then cheesecake. Then those oatmeal peanut butter bars. Etc.

In the end, it really isn't about giving up sweets for good. It's about self control. Do I think God is going to condemn my love of chocolate chip cookies? Probably not. But He might take issue with my general lack of self discipline regarding my body, my greatest earthly gift. Plus, it feels good to be in control of my body and not the other way around.

See ya later, sweets.

I hope.