Resolute: 2013, "Just One Thing"

It's that time of year again; that time when we set impossible standards for ourselves, then banish ourselves out of guilt for not living up to them. I would say I am an above-average goal-setter/achiever. I say this with humility, as I feel fortunate that goal-achieving is a skill I was taught well by parents who are even better at it than I am. I say this with humility, because not everyone has the advantage of goal-setting-achieving being part of their nature. I say this with humility, because good as I am at it, I still (very often) fall short of attainment.

Usually, I love setting my New Year's Resolutions. I can't wait to come up with the new me on paper. This year, however, I've been dreading it; dreading it because, (in spite of my previous protestations) it's been a while since I've accomplished a NY resolution that actually changed my life. I was mulling over why this was, and trying really hard to not fall into the "easy" trap of blaming my motherhood. While it's true one can't be all things at one time, it's also true that I can usually accomplish a few things if I really set my mind to them. I've been examining my past resolutions, trying to figure out why it is they (and I) succeeded or failed. I've been reading a lot of blog posts about others' resolutions, and some more academically minded articles about finding success or failure in those resolutions. I'm trying to figure out what the golden key is here --and I think I just may have found it for myself.

Just one thing.

That's it. In the past, my most successful resolutions are the ones that have been singular and relatively easy to meet. Case in point: One of my very most successful resolutions was the year I promised to sing every hymn in church. I'd been in my student ward for a while, and was starting to get lax about not singing in meetings; it started with choosing not to sing the songs I didn't know, and had gotten to the point where I didn't sing simply because I didn't feel like it (which was happening more and more frequently). So I told myself for one year I was going to make myself--no matter what. By the end of the next year, I was surprised to see how much more I enjoyed singing, how many new hymns I'd learned (and even learned the alto line!), and how my overall sense of the Spirit had grown.

Another valuable lesson from the hymn experiment was that it pretty much didn't get easier to make myself sing the hymns until I was nearly to end of the year. The lesson? It's hard to change habits--but even if we have a hard time changing who we innately are, we can still force ourselves to make choices that we really, really don't feel like making. Maybe the core of who we are will never change (I'd be lying if I didn't also mention that while I still almost always sing hymns--unless I'm sick--there's very often that part of me that groans and throws a stink about it); but maybe making the decisions to negate who we are become just a tiny bit easier every day.

There are some things we can do to help in this process that I personally think make quite a bit of difference in how well you stick to your goals. Basically, this boils down to rearranging your life so that the single most essential goal is always fits into the mix (with all the other essential things in your life). With singing hymns, this meant that most Sundays I tried sitting next to my friend Elizabeth, who loves to sing, is a wonderful singer, and from whom I could learn the alto lines, simply by sitting next to her. Plus, I know she's got gumption enough to encourage the person sitting next to her to sing. Second, I brought cough drops to church when I was sick. Or breath mints. Or gum. Whatever. Basically, I just didn't give myself a reason to make excuses.

This also usually means cutting other things out. For me, that means cutting out other resolutions. I've never been successful when I've had more than one. Usually, the demands of one end up invalidating another. Pick one, rearrange your life to suit it, stick with it.

With that said, this year, my goal is to take care of my body. That's it. I have an entire year to get the baby weight off (and there's thankfully not too much of it to lose in the first place; an entire year is entirely plausible). What this actually in-the-real-world means in my life is that I am giving myself permission: Permission to exercise at 2 in the afternoon if that's how long it takes for me to finish my morning routine with the kids. Permission to look "ugly" on those days when I exercise later and don't want to apply makeup/do my hair for the 2 remaining wakeful hours of the day. Permission to neglect social media (including this blog) if it means I get to brush my teeth or prepare a healthy snack or read an inspiring article. Permission to say "no" to social engagements with friends if it conflicts with exercise, healthy food prep, etc. I'm just going to make it happen, and try to get back to living in a body that feels good to live in.

What will you be trying to accomplish this year?