BLESSED

Do I even need to explain why I love this little guy? Probably not. I'm sure to most of the people who know me I'm nauseatingly in love with my son. Is it possible to be narcissistic about another person? I don't know. I don't care. All I know is that tonight my little boy sleeps healthy and safe and happy in his crib.

I seem to be hearing about a LOT of awful things happening to children lately that makes me need to hold my little guy a LOT closer. It started with the earthquake in Haiti. I was and still somewhat am haunted by the lost parents to the surviving, now orphaned children. It's almost like I can actually hear them crying for someone to love and care for their children. I simply can't bear the thought of these children growing up in cold (well, not actually COLD in Haiti, but you know), non-nurturing environments. I was on the treadmill a couple nights after it happened, running and sobbing as I watched the news coverage. I think of my son, how much I love him, and now there's no one here on earth to love these littles ones.

A couple nights later, a news story prompted by people's fears of the earthquake's impact on Haiti's children: an expose on the child sex slave trade in Cambodia. I can't even write about it.

On Sunday I learned that my former Relief Society president's great-granddaughter had died an entirely preventable death; the family's 15-month old followed yesterday, a victim of the same awful circumstances. And just now I read a blog linked on my friend Melanie's blog (in my blog list, look for the Phillips Family post about how miracles do happen) about a little boy who almost drowned to death. Well, he did drown. He was pronounced dead when his heart spontaneously began beating again. Don't believe in God? THINK AGAIN.

Being a mom is hard for everyone. We all have days where it is difficult to see (or smell) past the icky diapers, messy high-chair feedings, cranky tired babies, an unclean house, etc. But what we do is important. More than being important, though, it is a privilege to be a mother. We take care of God's children. We love them. We give of our life, our breath, sweat, and blood to bring them into this world and we try to arm them with the tools that will help them help themselves. As my mom says, we work ourselves right out of a job. I am humbled to be able to stay home with my little one. I wouldn't trade this privilege for the ability to see the world or be able to go back to school or have more money or whatever.

Let me tell you a little about why I love my little guy. This kid is curious about EVERYTHING. You can see him working things out in his head. He wants to be into everything, experiencing everything. He takes no time or circumstance for granted and just makes the most of whatever he can learn/explore about where he's at. He perseveres. When he was learning to sit up, he kept falling over and trying to get back up until he could do it on his own. Now as he's learning to stand he falls a LOT. I mean, a LOT. Not a day goes by without a big bump to his head at some point. But it doesn't deter him. He wants to get up; he wants to be like the grown-ups, so gets up again, tries again.

Beyond these motivational things that I suppose are typical of all babies, there are the yummy little personality quirks I can't get enough of. The way he holds up his hand in a questioning way as he chats, scolds, or demands. How he spends most of his playtime with his books, me reading to him and him reading back to me. The way I can tell his babble means something very specific to him. How, even when he's finished a full bottle, if I pull out something to eat, he's all over me, wanting a bite. His deep, gorgeous belly laugh. The way he and his dad are buddies. Wet kisses. How we can carry on a conversation even though we don't speak the same language.

And then beyond that, I really can't put it into words. It's a connection that I guess all mothers are blessed with. A mother's love runs deep and fierce. Motherhood is one of the best things that ever happened to me: Before I was timid and unable to stand up for myself to anyone who intimidated me. Now I am much better at asserting myself from learning to assert his needs. Ever see someone try to attack a bear cub? Watch out.

But tonight is not about defending my son. Tonight, as I mentioned before, he his sleeping safe and healthy and happy in his crib. And I am truly humbled that my Father in Heaven has blessed me with such a beautiful, sweet, funny, intelligent boy.