Do you ever go through major instantaneous shifts in your perception of yourself? This doesn't happen to me very often. The last time this happened was when I fell in love with Chris. Something about the man I had (and have) the highest respect for in the world, and he was looking right back and me and saying he loved me. It was humbling; it felt like some major part of my core self shifted into center, and I began noticing changes about myself immediately. It was like a huge step forward in feeling like a grown-up. I felt less silly-girly, more womanly. Since becoming a mom, these changes seem to only have deepened. Some things that I used to be very "into" I'm just not anymore. Sometimes it feels like I'm so different, but nobody else seems to have gotten the memo. Spending time with my before-I-got-married friends and even some family can be confusing sometimes--they'll make some remark that Old Becca would have understood and appreciated, but now feels irrelevant and distant to Current Becca.
I'm a creature who (usually) thrives on and appreciates change. If I don't constantly feel myself expanding or changing somehow or learning something new, I get to feeling blue. My sense of self is fairly fluid. I'm sure my husband loves this. But generally speaking, I like change. And so, I give you...
Top 5 New Things about Becca:
1. Much less interested in movies, more interested in TV shows. Couch potato? Maybe. Mostly I think this has to do with the fact that TV shows are shorter encapsulations, meaning I can enjoy an entire episode of a sitcom in about 20 minutes or a drama in about 45. Sitting down for a three-hour ordeal in a theater makes me feel antsy. Especially if it's an "analyze and discuss" kind of show. I just want to watch something and be entertained without feeling like I need to write an essay afterward.
2. Much less interested in books, more interested in magazines and newspapers. Again, I think this has to do with the ability to ingest as much as I'd like of some short, snappy, to-the-point material, and be able to put it down any time I like without feeling guilty. Since having kid(s), I probably only finish 10% of the books I start. And this leads us to...
3. Much less interested in who-said-what-about-who in social circles, more interested in politics. If I'm going to hear some nasty mudslinging, I'd much rather it be relevant. I'm very interested in how the current social and moral climate is affecting politics. I simply don't care about which of my friends have bones to pick with other friends. Most of the time, current events are appalling, but good to know about nonetheless. And interesting to hear how various political movements will or will not support things that are actually good for their own well-being, all for the sake of survival or the bottom line. Heaven forbid we actually fix something properly.
4. More interested in hands-on hobbies as opposed to intellectual ones. I'd rather knit or cook or travel ANY DAY over ingesting any intellectual material (non-fiction, Sundance docs, History Channel, etc). It's not that I'm interested in becoming dumb; I'm just interested in becoming a different kind of smart, a practical kind of smart. I graduated college with great intellectual curiosities and powers of reasoning (or so I'd like to think), but with very few skills that make a practical difference from one day to the next. Now I knit, sew a very little, cook and bake a LOT, clean, organize, change diapers, remove stains, etc. I LOVE my new set of skills, and as it turns out, I need different parts of my intellect to really take them from being a general hobby to a hobby that is personal and creative. I've gone from being the girl who awkwardly never raised her hand to volunteer, to the girl who says, "I can help you with that!"
5. I like fish. Ok, so maybe I'm a little premature in stating this. Maybe it's just a pregnancy thing, but whatever the reason, I've hated fish my whole life and now I crave it almost daily. I'm telling you, people, mama's gotta move to the coast... preferably a tropical one.
Ok, well, I guess that about sums it up! So. Now you tell me. How are you different from the pervious versions of yourself? Do you like the new you? The jury is still deliberating on various points of that one for me.
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I'm with ya on this. My life has changed so much over the past few years I don't even know if I'm remotely the same person as before. A few off the top of my head are 1) I'm much less interested in superficiality 2) Please don't bother with emotional games anyone, it is a waste of my time 3) I care a lot more with humanity in general. Before I had no sympathy for anyone and now I have more depth.
ReplyDeleteI would hope that most people feel as you do. I remember being in high school and seeing people who had already graduated come back for football games or something and I'd think, "man, move on. Life has to be so much better than high school!" The four that I thought of are: 1) I don't care as much about fashion. It's important for me to look nice and feel good about myself, but I don't feel the need to wear the latest trends. 2) I'm much more ok being by myself. I used to always want to be busy or socializing, now I'm more comfortable being alone 3) Unfortunately, I feel like I have less patience - esp for rude or thoughtless people. I'm trying to work on this because I feel like people are losing touch with each other and there isn't a sense of community anymore. I don't want to walk past people and pretend I don't notice them. 4) I try harder to live in the moment. I love to plan and organize that it used to be so easy for me to just always look ahead. I've realized now how important it is to enjoy where you are.
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